Pain
by ThinkingWithPortals
Summary: Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski are roommates in college. When Cartman finds out that Kyle has been harming himself, what extent will he go to to make sure it stops? (warning, rated T for swearing and maybe some bromance later on) Please give this story a chance!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey everybody! I've been wanting to post this one for a while, but I hadn't gotten around to it until today. I haven't decided if I want it to be a oneshot, or if I should make it a few chapters. Let me know what you think! **

**_I do not own South Park!_**

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_Wake up. Go to class. Eat. Sleep._ To some, Kyle's daily routine would be desirable. He got to live the college life, staying up as late as he wanted, going wherever he wanted, eating whatever he wanted. To Kyle, it was his own personal hell. The reason behind his miserable existence could be summed up in two words. Eric Cartman.

Kyle swore that he must have committed some horrible sin to end up with Eric as his roommate. He was constantly making fun of him and verbally abusing him. It was okay though, because Kyle found a way to get back at him for it. It was the perfect plan. Kyle would prove to the world that Eric Cartman was not the only one who could hurt him.

It didn't make him happy to harm himself, but it sure as hell made him feel a lot better. It was Kyle's only solace. It was perfect, for a while. Then one day, everything changed.

-

Kyle sat cross legged on the floor of the bathroom. Cartman was off at some frat party, and wasn't due back for hours. It was the perfect time for Kyle to escape. He lifted up the floorboard and pulled out his box of supplies. He gently opened the lid and pulled out his blade, paper towels, and a small bottle of bleach.

He was always careful. Every time he cut himself, he made certain that he didn't leave any evidence. He knew that if Cartman ever noticed, he would hold it over Kyle's head forever. The jokes about him being "an emo piece of shit" would flow nonstop.

Carefully, Kyle laid the paper towels down in front of him. He slowly flipped open his blade, and closed his eyes. He cleared all of the thoughts from his head relating to anything but the pain Eric had caused him earlier that day. It made this justifiable.

Kyle reopened his eyes, and calmly started cutting. The first line hurt the most, but after that Kyle started to zone out. He planned to cut himself six times total, one for every comment Cartman made about Kyle being a filthy Jew.

He started on the second line, then the third. When he was just finishing up the fifth cut, he heard a loud bang. Startled, he jumped off the floor,practically impaling himself in the process. Kyle gasped as he yanked the blade out of his forearm.

"Hurry up fucktard, I have to take a piss!" Cartman shouted from outside the door. Kyle blanched, realizing that Eric was home hours early. "J-just a sec..." He stammered distractedly. He was frantically scrambling to clean up the bloody mess he had made. He shoved his shirt sleeve over the cuts and threw his supplies under the floorboard.

When Kyle opened the door, he found himself face-to-face with Eric.

"Move, fatass," Kyle grumbled. "I can't get out if you don't move..." Cartman rolled his eyes and pushed past Kyle into the cramped bathroom. As he did, he unknowingly brushed up against Kyle's fresh cuts.

Kyle cried out in pain. Cartman quickly turned around and muttered "The fuck was that for?" Choosing not to answer, Kyle wriggled out of the bathroom and towards his room. His roommate had other ideas though.

"Oi! I'm talking to you! I said why the fuck did you make that noise, Kahl?"

Grimacing, he just shook his head and continued to walk away. Cartman jogged over to Kyle and grabbed his arm to prevent him from leaving. Kyle screamed and fell to his knees. Surprised, Eric let his grip loosen. "Leave me alone!" Kyle pleaded. "I'm fine!"

With fire in his eyes, Cartman sunk to the floor next to Kyle and lightly rolled up the bloody sleeve. He examined the five shallow cuts, then what could only be described as a stab wound. "What is this?" He whispered. "The hell is this Kahl? Are these the only ones?" Kyle hesitated, and nodded his head.

"I don't believe you." Cartman stated. "Take off your shirt." Kyle's head snapped up. "What?!" He exclaimed. "I'm not taking off my shirt! Fucking weirdo..." Angrily, Eric grabbed the hem of Kyle's shirt and yanked it off his small body.

Cartman stared in shock. Crisscrossing his slender hips were at least fifteen or twenty more of the small lines, though these ones were healed. "How long?" Cartman inquired. "H-how long what?" Kyle stammered in reply. "How long have you been doing... This!"

Kyle avoided making contact. He wouldn't bother to answer Eric's question. Kyle didn't know how Cartman would react to hearing the truth, and he didn't exactly want to find out. "Kahl, you have to go to the hospital. These are going to get infected! Don't be fucking stupid..."

"No! No hospitals... Please." Kyle replied in alarm. There was no way anyone could find out about this. He didn't want to be remembered as the guy who cut himself. Cartman growled and tried to pull Kyle to his feet. He wouldn't budge.

"I won't go! I won't, I won't..." Kyle shouted as he started to sob. He wished he could keep it together in front of Eric, but the thought of anyone knowing about what he was doing sent him over the edge. He was certain that if he went to a hospital, somehow his parents would find out, and they would never speak to him again. "I.. You can't.. They'll.." He gasped as he frantically tried to gulp in air. Crying always made his asthma act up.

Cartman was starting to get scared. He had never seen Kyle like this before, and he didn't know what to do. "How can I help? Do you need your inhaler or something? Kyle, please!" He pleaded. Kyle was too busy sucking in breath to answer, so Cartman ran to the bathroom and started searching for the little silver tube he had seen only in pictures.

While he was looking, he noticed that the floorboard was loose. Thinking that Kyle's inhaler might be hidden there for some reason, he lifted it up, and dropped it in shock when he saw what the hiding spot was really for. Gingerly picking it up again, he examined the contents of the small space.

Inside, there were a few different kinds of blades, along with a bottle of bleach and a roll of paper towels. One of the blades and a handful of paper towels were covered in blood. Cartman pulled everything out, and threw it all in the trash in disgust. When he turned back, he noticed Kyle kneeling in the doorway, still struggling for air. His small hand was pointing to the window sill.

Eric grabbed the inhaler off the one place he hadn't looked, and rushed it over to Kyle. Within minutes, his breathing was back to normal. "So." Cartman paused. "Stand up." Kyle started to panic again. If Cartman tried to make him go to the hospital, he would- "We're not going anywhere, I'm just gonna clean you up." Kyle tried to protest, but Eric's glare shut him up.

He stood shakily, and slid onto the counter. Kyle silently watched as Cartman pulled various items out of the cupboards. When he had assembled everything he needed, Eric focused his attention on Kyle's injured arm. He methodically started wiping his cuts with a damp cloth. "Why do you do it, Kyle?" He asked after a few minutes.

He didn't reply, and Cartman's anger flared. "I'm talking to you, asshole. You owe me an explanation." Kyle grimaced, and finally answered. "You..." He said quietly. Cartman blanched, hoping he had heard Kyle wrong. "What did you just say?" He asked, deceptively calm.

"You." Kyle repeated. "It always you. Every time you say something about how I'm a 'stupid jew' and you want me to 'go back to my mommy, because I obviously can't handle being in the real world'. Don't you ever think about how that might hurt me? How maybe, I actually take those things seriously?" His anger was starting to bubble up inside him. All of the years of keeping quiet were finally being released.

"Do you even remember half the shit you say to me? Like the first time you realized we were stuck in a dorm together and you told me to go kill myself? Well I thought about it Cartman! I seriously considered it! But then I thought, 'Why should I let someone who means so little to me decide when my life ends?' So instead of killing myself, I just started cutting. Not for you, for me! I do it because it's the only thing that I can really control in my life. You are NOT the only thing that can hurt me, Cartman. I can hurt me too."

Cartman stared, open mouthed. "I-I didn't..." He started, then changed his mind. "Sorry I asked..." He tried to continue cleaning Kyle's arm, but was pushed away by the red head.

"No. I can do it myself. Just... Go." Kyle whispered, looking down.

Eric walked out of the bathroom without protest, shutting the door softly behind him. When he got to his room, the tears he had been holding in started slipping down his face. He hated himself for making Kyle feel that way. The worst part was, he didn't think he could stop himself from treating him like that in the future. He spent most of his life blocking out any feelings other than loathing towards Kyle, and he didn't think he could change now.

Kyle, still in the bathroom, sank down against the door. He wrapped his arms around his knees and buried his head into his arms. Once the first few tears escaped, he couldn't stop the sobs from violently wracking his small body.

When there were no tears left to shed, Kyle curled up into a ball on the floor of the bathroom and fell into a light and fitful sleep.

He could only hope then when he woke up, Cartman would be gone and he could end his pain once and for all.

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**A/N: Hope you liked it, please reviewwww. Let me know if I should do more chapters! ~heart heart~**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I suck so much! Urghhhhhh. I am so sorry that it took me this long to update, my computer has been screwy lately... But anyways, I'm just glad that I was able to get this chapter out before I went to bed! I was having a little trouble writing this one, but luckily I have more ideas for later on. Let me know what you think!**

**I do not own South Park!**

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Early the next morning, Kyle jolted awake, nearly rolling off his bed in the process. Then memories of the previous day came flooding back. "Didn't I fall asleep in the bathroom...?" he mumbled to himself. Realizing that Cartman must have carried him to his room, Kyle shook his head in disgust. He didn't want that pathetic excuse for a human being's hands anywhere near him. It was bad enough that he had touched Kyle so much yesterday while trying to clean him up.

Kyle didn't know why he had let it get it that far. He never should have told Cartman about the cutting, or the reason why he did it. Some things should be kept to yourself. As he was about to get out of his bed, he heard a noise. The knob on his door was slowly turning. He shoved the covers back onto his body and tried to calm his shaky breath so it seemed like he was sleeping.

He heard the door open, then close again a few moments later. He let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding when the sound of retreating footsteps greeted his ears. Kyle grabbed his phone off his desk and checked the time. It was 6:30 in the morning, which was far too early for Cartman to be awake.

Kyle tensed again when he heard a muffled voice coming from the other room. As quietly as he could, he cracked open his door just enough to make the voice clearer. It was Cartman, and he sounded stressed.

"Yeah I know it's early, but I need to talk to the dean." Cartman said annoyedly. After a pause, he replied "Yes, right now! If I wanted to talk to him later, I would have called later! Dumbass..." A few seconds later, Cartman's tone changed to a more polite one that Kyle knew was only used when Eric was trying to get something.

"Hi Dean Marcus, I just wanted to inform you that Kyle Broflovski won't be attending any of his classes today."

Kyle, having lost interest in the conversation, was about to shut his door when he heard Cartman make this unexpected announcement. Kyle hadn't missed a day of college yet, and he didn't plan on starting today. Just when he was about to storm out of his room and ask Cartman just what the hell he thought he was doing, Kyle heard Cartman say something that he hadn't heard him say sincerely in the entirety of his existence.

"Of course Kyle's my friend... We've known each other all our lives." He replied quietly to the question Kyle hadn't heard. He was shocked. He never thought he would ever hear Eric Cartman admit that he was friends with a small redhead jewish boy.

At the same time, Kyle was confused. He didn't understand why Cartman was suddenly being so nice to him. He decided to confront him. Kyle pushed his door open all the way and walked over to Eric.

"Cartman-" He started, before he was shushed by the man in question. Cartman continued his conversation with the dean. "No you can't talk to him, he's sleeping. Like a baby. He has a terrible case of the stomach flu, he was throwing up non-stop last night; the vomit just kept coming and coming, spewing everywhere. It was pretty disgusting actually." Another brief pause, then "Thank you for your time, my deaaaaaar sir."

Kyle waited until Cartman hung up and set the phone down completely to try again. "So, Cartman, would you mind explaining to me what the hell that was about? I do not have the stomach flu." He stated, surprisingly calm. It wasn't actually a huge deal, the damage control would be easy. Just a quick call explaining that it was a prank would do the trick...

He turned his focus back to Cartman when he realized that he had just said something. "What?" Kyle asked. Cartman sighed, then repeated. "I said, 'no shit Sherlock'." Kyle made a face, which prompted Cartman to continue. "So, um, how are you doing? I mean, your arm and stuff. And uh, you in general I guess."

Kyle was starting to get angry again. Did Cartman really not understand that he didn't want to talk about it? "Well, let's see. Yesterday I went through one of the most traumatic and embarrassing experiences of my life, and then I fell asleep in a bathroom. So, not great Cartman." Thinking about the other part of the question he added, "Oh, and my arm hurts like a bitch. I still have to bandage it..."

Cartman grimaced at his hostile answer. He wasn't used to Kyle actually being insulting. Usually he just muttered some weak comeback or sulked off to hide in the- 'Oh god.' Cartman thought to himself. 'Every time me and Kyle get in a fight, he always ends up in the bathroom for a weirdly long amount of time... Fuck, how did I not notice this before?'

"Can I help you bandage it? Please?" The last part was added on as an afterthought. Eric also wasn't used to being polite.

Kyle really didn't want him touching him again, but he conceded. It would probably be better that Cartman was distracted when Kyle told him the decision he had come to the night before. He walked around Cartman and into the bathroom. All the medical supplies were on the counter still, so Kyle sat down next to them.

Eric trailed into the bathroom behind him and washed his hands. This time, he avoided talking. He didn't want an encore of the last night's events. After drying his hands as well as he could on the worn out towel hanging next to the sink, he went to stand in front of Kyle. He silently gestured for Kyle to give him his arm, and he did.

Cartman gasped when he saw it. It was so much worse than before. The entire bottom half of the left sleeve was caked with blood. It looked like it had mostly dried overnight, successfully gluing it to Kyle's arm.

"Fuck..." Kyle muttered, seeing his arm for the first time that morning. He didn't realize it was this bad. Cartman paused for a moment, then grabbed a clean washcloth from the cabinet and soaked as much warm water into it as he could. Then he gently squeezed it out of the washcloth all over the blood drenched sleeve. Kyle winced and Cartman muttered an apology.

"So," Kyle began, "last night I did a lot of thinking, and I came to a decision. Now, it's really important to me that you don't try to interfere with this. It's what I want-no, it's what I need right now, and it'll probably be a good thing for you too. I decided that-"

"Wait," Cartman interrupted, "wait a second. Before you tell me what you decided, there's something I have to tell you first. Just... Hear me out, okay?" Out of curiosity, Kyle nodded for him to continue.

"Okay, first of all, I need to apologize. For everything. Not just last night, but all the times before that too. I know I've always been a pretty bad person in general, but to you especially. And I can't say that I didn't mean to hurt your feelings before. I don't mean most of the things I say, but I do mean to hurt people by saying them. I don't know what's wrong with me... I've always been this way, and I don't know why." The whole time Cartman was talking, he continued bandaging Kyle. It was a good excuse to keep his eyes down.

"But that's not the point. What I'm trying to say is, I never wanted you to start harming yourself. I always thought that you just blew off the things I said. I never knew that it could affect you so strongly. The truth is, I wish I could be so much better than this. I've always envied you for being able to make friends so easily. Everybody loves you and they all just hate me.

"I know it's not your fault that people don't like me. I know it's not anyone's fault, except for my own. Sometimes, though, I wish so much that I could have someone else to blame it on. But since I don't, I take it out on you. And for that, I am really, truly, sorry."

Kyle was speechless. He watched as Cartman put the finishing touches on the bandage. When he was done, Cartman looked up to find Kyle gaping at him. He blushed and quickly avoided eye contact again. The silence between them was growing louder and louder. Finally, Kyle blurted out three words that would change Eric's life forever.

_"I'm moving out."_

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**Sorry that I had to leave it there! I will try to update at least once a week, probably on Thursdays or Fridays. Oh yeah, I also wanted to say thank you so much to all of you that reviewed last time. It means so much to me and I really appreciate any kind of review from any one. They really do inspire me, and it's also nice to know what you like/don't like about the story so I can fix it! See you next week lovelies! ~heart heart~**


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